


dying is easy (living is harder)

by FeatheryMinx



Category: Emelan - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:49:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28147872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatheryMinx/pseuds/FeatheryMinx
Summary: Briar, in the immediate days after saving Rosethorn
Relationships: Briar Moss & Dedicate Rosethorn, Briar Moss & Sandrilene fa Toren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	dying is easy (living is harder)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thejunipertree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejunipertree/gifts).



In the days after Rosethorn’s brush with death, Briar was hard pressed to leave her room. She wasn’t conscious much, and even when she was, it wasn’t like she could talk to him (not unless he was holding her hand, anyway), so really, it shouldn’t matter, but it did. When he’s in her room, he’s assured that she’s still alive, that her breathing wasn’t going to stutter and falter the way it had right before she’d almost died.

No one else was nearly as worried as him. Lark hovered plenty, and the girls popped in daily, but. Lark was the one who’d moved her out of her workroom and into her bedroom, who told him that she had to get better “with time”, as though the magical boosts they gave her weren’t appreciated. And the girls, well, Rosethorn wasn’t _their_ teacher, as much as she ran Discipline. So it was up to him to look after her.

Lark let him bring in his shakkan, in addition to the plants Rosethorn already had scattered around her room. He tended to it there every day, and as he did so looked after his teacher.

He also occasionally gave her magical infusions. Not too much, he wouldn’t disobey Lark outright. But he remembered how helpful it had been to her that first day after she’d gotten the pox, and when he first let what little of his magic he had slip into her, right after she’d been pulled back from the Black God’s realm, she’d smiled at him gratefully. She gave him the same smile the day after, and the day after that, and then she’d been back to her full magical reserves even if she wasn’t back to _normal_ , but he continued with the small infusions because maybe it was helping her? It wasn’t hurting her, and she needed all the care she could get, and even if she didn’t notice anymore, it was probably helpful to her. ~~It certainly helped him, knowing she knew she had him to rely on.~~

Even as Rosethorn was recovering, the world moved on. They were still healing the pox in communities outside of Winding Circle, and as soon as Tris had recovered, she went right back to assisting Crane. Briar was welcome too, she said, but she said it lightly, knowing he wouldn’t go with her. His presence wasn’t vital, and he felt his skills were much better used at home, looking after Rosethorn, tending to her plants and mixing herbs in her workshop.

Briar was hard-pressed to leave her side, but there were limits even to Lark’s indulgence, even if it was warranted. She drew the line at his request to move his pallet into her room. “Give Rosie her privacy,” she said. “She sees plenty of you during the day.” So Briar spends the nights in his room. Lark is right, he recognizes that. But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t worry about Rosethorn.

Matters aren’t helped by the fact that every night, he relives his foray into the empty, gray world to which he’d almost lost Rosethorn. He pulls her back, and the dream slips away, but it leaves him rattled until he sees her breathing steady the next day. At least, that’s what he dreams up until a fortnight after her almost-death.

* * *

It starts off as it usually does. He dives in after Rosethorn’s fading magic, and Sandry latches onto him, and Tris and Daja onto her, and they’re all that’s keeping him tethered to the real world but he has to find Rosethorn. So he follows the green thread until he sees the hints of greenery, and then follows both those things until he sees her, happy and healthy, standing in front of an overgrown garden with her workbasket and a pair of shears. She smiles when she sees him. “I love you,” she says, more lucid than she’s been in days. “I love you too”, he wants to say. “Come back with me”, he wants to say even more. Only his voice isn’t working, he can’t say anything at all. She looks happy to see him, but there’s something else too, something that keeps her far away, far enough that he can’t hug her, can’t grab her, can’t reel her back in. There are tears glittering in her eyes, and he wants to scream, but it’s like his voice has been ripped out. She’s still smiling softly as she brings the shears up to the thread connecting them, still smiling as the shears snap shut and the thread snaps and—

* * *

Briar woke up, frozen in terror. He knew it wasn’t real. He’d seen her just a few hours ago, he knew she was okay, but… What if something had happened? He made the god’s circle quickly. Nothing had happened. She was fine, she had to be. And yet, he was fearful, because his dream changed so suddenly.

Resignedly, he got out of bed. He couldn’t sleep now, not without checking in on Rosethorn. Briar made his way out of his room, but before he could head towards Rosethorn’s, a small voice interrupted him.

“Briar?” It was Sandry. “What are you doing up?”

Briar winced, but quickly said, “Just thirsty, was gonna get some water.”

“Oh, me too!” With that, Sandry joined him, and thus he changed courses to head to the kitchen.

After pouring them both some water, Sandry said, “Can I ask you something?” Briar nodded, and she continued, “When you went to get Rosethorn back… How was it?”

Briar froze for a moment, his glass halfway to his mouth. He shook off the shock and finished drinking, then answered Sandry with a voice that was just a bit too steady. “It was… boring. I mean, it was busy, and she wasn’t there at first so I had to find her, but once I did, you pulled us back, and that was that.” His hand shook ever so slightly as he went to put his glass in the sink.

“Briar…” He ignored her, instead walking around the table so he could return to his room. Suddenly, a single thread wrapped itself around his wrist. It came from Sandry’s tunic. It was thin enough that he could have broken himself free of it, but he didn’t. Instead, he just stood there, entirely silent.

“Briar,” pleaded Sandry, “I know it was worse than you’ve let on. You haven’t told us anything at all, and Tris and Daja know it was tough, but…” She tugged lightly on the thin thread linking them together. “They don’t know how close we were to losing you. Briar, please. What happened down there?”

Briar looked at the thread again. He didn’t want to tell her, but she sounded so scared. With a sigh, he flopped onto the ground, pulling her down as well. “She almost stayed down there, you know. I mean, I knew when I went after her that there was a chance I couldn’t bring her back, but it wasn’t just that she couldn’t come back. She didn’t _want_ to come back, she _wanted_ to stay down there. And I…“ He looked tearfully at Sandry. “I didn’t want to come back if she wasn’t with me. Not even I didn’t want to, but I _couldn’t._ So, I untethered myself.”

Sandry gasped, and he glanced at her. “You’re telling me if it was Lark, you wouldn’t have done the same?”

“I love Lark, but I love you and Daja and Tris and even Rosethorn and Niko and Frostpine just as much! You idiot, I’m so glad we were able to bring her back, but if we hadn’t been able to? It would have been _so much worse_ if we’d lost you at the same time we lost her.”

“Sandry…” Briar let out a sigh. Without looking at her, he said, “You’re my girls, you know that. I love you all. But Rosethorn is more than that. She’s… She’s everything I never had. I don’t know if you can understand, but I’ve loved her just about since the day I met her. I have been terrified for _months_ that something would happen to her, that one day I would have to wake up and she wouldn’t be there to grouch at me.”

“Months?”

He nodded. “I couldn’t have come back without her. I’m sorry I scared you, but I don’t regret doing what I did. Even if she hadn’t changed her mind at the end there, I wouldn’t have regretted it. I would have missed you girls terribly, but I knew what I was doing.”

“And you won’t ever do it again. You are never, ever, to try and leave us behind like that again, do you hear me? We get through our lives together. Now that Rosethorn’s okay, you have to promise me that you won’t pull something like that again.

“Don’t you worry your noble little head over this. She’s back now, and we won’t run into something like this again.”

“You have to promise me.” Briar looked at Sandry, at the rigid posture she never used at Discipline, at the firm set of her mouth and the furious glare in her eyes.

“Alright. I promise.”

Sandry smiled at him, then stood, brushing her tunic straight. She helped Briar up and said, “Come on. We should get to bed.” Just as they were about to part ways outside of their respective rooms, Sandry paused, then hugged Briar quickly but fiercely.

She walked into her room, and he into his, but instead of going to sleep, Briar lay wide awake in his bed. He was still restless, hints of fear creeping around under his skin. If he focused, he could hear Sandry in her room, and as soon as her breathing settled into the even pattern of sleep, he crept back out his room.

Quietly, Briar made his way to Rosethorn’s room. As he opened the door and peered in, he sighed in relief. She was still breathing easy. She was still okay. Briar settled into the chair beside Rosethorn’s bed. If he went back to his room, he wouldn’t be sleeping, and whatever Lark wanted to say about it, he could deal with it in the morning. Looking at Rosethorn’s steady form one last time, he shut his eyes and let himself drift off to the sound of her even breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought that Briar's PTSD in Will of the Empress was incredibly done. And yet, I find it really hard to believe that that that was the first time he'd been traumatized. To be quite honest, all of them have been through so much that should leave them traumatized (and I mean, we know Tris dreams of the dead pirates), so I wanted to explore that with Briar, especially in the aftermath of losing the person who has essentially become his mom. I'm not sure how accurate it is, considering he's 11 and doesn't exactly have the terminology or awareness of it, and I'm certainly not an expert, but here's my best attempt!  
> Also, I just think that Briar and Rosethorn's relationship is the cutest thing ever. So I wrote stuff about it. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
